2024: My Year of Non-Freelancing

By the end of 2023, I was burnt out to a crisp. Professionally, I had achieved some big goals like having my full-length debut play be put on and had worked at some really cool theatres on some fun projects all the while really leaning in and enjoying the youth work I was doing that supported my income. However, all of this came at a cost. I could make the rent and bills – but just. I had a social life – but just. Holidays, no. Hobbies, no. The ‘just’ of it all was starting to get to me. As it was many freelancers around me.

Freelancing is incredibly liberating but also a great big oxymoron. It’s a burden-privilege. It’s amazing to have 100% control of your career and work but you have 100% control of your career and work in a market that is saturated and isn’t guaranteed to pay you for the work you are putting in. It’s a massive privilege to freelance because it is so uncertain. You either get really lucky with the way you budget, the jobs you get, the connections you make – or there’s some privilege behind you already. Or both. Probably both.

In August, a part time Heritage job came up on ArtsJobs and I was like ‘That’s mine.’ I took it – no doubt that it was the right choice for me. Especially, as I was moving in with my partner and my rent was increasing. Three months in, the department restructured and I was asked to go full time and offered a promotion. I took it. And with that – I said bye to freelancing. I wanted to not worry about money, rent, holidays, seeing friends, doing taxes for just a little bit and it felt like the right choice.

I actually spent Jan-Feb finishing a freelance contract whilst simultaneously working full time too.

I made the active choice to try and keep creative work to a minimum and give myself a year of healing from the burnout I felt. I mean – that didn’t really work. I still wrote poems and freaked out that I wasn’t writing at the rate that I did but the point still stands. I did as well as I could’ve done.

I feel all the better for it, I think.  

So, I’ve done a round up of how my year of non-freelancing went. What I got up to, the highs, the lows, the learnings, the losses. Let’s go.

1.    I achieved a goal of over eight years – I passed my driving test!

I’ve been learning how to drive on and off for eight years. Money had been the real reason why I hadn’t gone any further with my driving. I managed to get the funds to rent in Manchester and take one test. Which I then failed. I didn’t have the funds to do much else. When I took this job, I made it my goal to make it a priority to pass my test.

With the money I saved up from freelancing that I then wasn’t taxed on (always put 30% away baby – the tax man will come for you!) – I used it to take a driving intensive course with the wonderful Nadia and passed with four minors in August. I used my annual leave to take driving lessons and worked half days, I practiced non-stop with my partner in his car and then it happened. Highlight of the year – it finally happened!

2.    Losing my creative headspace

There are many cons of freelancing – such as the ever lasting financial unknows and burdens. However, the joys of freelancing for me lived and died in the creativity. I loved working with different companies – getting inspiration from different spaces and living my life in a very active creative headspace.

And whilst I do use my creativity for the job I work now and do enjoy it – it uses a different side of my creativity. And actually, when I come home - it’s really hard to tap in and find my creative headspace. Not when it takes an hour to get home, an hour to cook tea, an hour to eat tea and then – it’s bedtime. And you do it all the same tomorrow.

Even things like sharing an office, knowing I have a chore to etc. has become a barrier between me and my pen. It shouldn’t be but it feels such a big thing to start. 

Using my creativity often came on my weeks off but they were few and far between and it’s really felt like a loss that I have grieved because my creativity is such a big part of my personality. HOWEVER, the goal was always to rest from that side of the brain for the year and try not to beat myself up too much.

And this article is proof in the pudding that she’s still go it. I am on annual leave at the minute, though. Yikes.

3.    Navigating health struggles

I get migraines. It was one of the reasons why I changed to employment from freelancing. Stress is not going to help and I wanted as stress free an environment as I could. The migraines stopped for about 3-4 months and then came back with vengeance.

Throwing up at work, not being able to do anything but sleep and even having a breakdown over not being able to take sausages out of a freezer (yes, really) – it was really rough to accept that there were natural stressors and new triggers from employment on my body and that I had to come up with a plan to look after myself.

We’re still working on this but everyone at work has been so supportive whilst I’ve experimented with different medication and health plans.

4.    Self care: my fitness and wellness journey!

As someone who was living on the ‘just’ – I’ve used this year to try and workout how to look after myself now that I have a little bit more money in the bank to do so.

I’ve really enjoyed working out how I like to work out! This is an everlasting discovery mainly because it intersects with my pesky migraines but I’ve gotten a gym membership, gone to yoga classes, played badminton and my favorite – revisited my childhood dance school to do Zumba with my best friend!

It’s been a massive privilege to try lots of different things and adapt as my body and mind has needed space or time. Dancing has brought back so many happy memories, positive endorphins and actually gets me to stop thinking about work!

I’ve also been able to treat myself a few times to a spa day. Giving myself permission to escape, read a book, have a swim and do absolutely nothing but chill out is sometimes what I really need to recenter myself. It does feel bougee and like I’m spoiling myself but equally – I always feel better and it’s a good way to prioritize a little bit of ‘me time’ when I’m getting run down.

5.    Switching off from work

Nope, I still can’t do it. I’m a workaholic. We’re putting a pin in this.

And actually, even though it’s fun – a lot of the time I get home and I’m drained because I put so much effort into it. Oops.

6.    Professional highs

Whilst I’m still no good at the fifth thing on this list, with the challenges that have come – there have been some really fun professional highs. I’ve really enjoyed working in my team and getting to know my colleagues well and have also taken the step in managing staff too.

I’ve been able to advocate for Children & Young People and the amazing work we do at my work both on site and to other heritage places across the country – even presenting for over 500 people about it. I’ve helped doubled the amount of young volunteers we work with and I’ve loved seeing them make their own two day event that was attended by over 1000 people.

I also did a course to learn how to be a trustee and claim my power as a leader in my team. I LOVED every second of it.

I’ve loved getting to know the sheer amount of people in my job and having interesting conversations with people I wouldn’t imagine I would meet!

I can safely say that actually – I really enjoy my work!

7.    Exploring different areas/mediums of culture

Because I worked in theatre – I saw a lot of theatre. And this was because a) I liked it, b) my friends were in it and c) I had little money so of course I was going to prioritize going to theatres over other cultural venues.

Because I now work in heritage – I’ve been able to see different cultural mediums and saw less theatre this year than I thought! Actually, I think this was quite healthy and I’ve gotten to experience some really fun stuff that’s broadened my horizons. I would love to see different cultural aspects that showcase voices from outside my viewpoint this year.

I’ve also managed to see more films at the cinema and read more books!

Cultural stand outs were: Manchester Day Parade, Gunpowder Plot trail around York, Taylor Swift at Anfield, Royal Armories in Leeds, Central Park in New York, The Museum of Broadway in New York, 9/11 Museum and Memorial, Hamilton (Palace Theatre), The Notebook (Broadway), Heaton Park, Frog & Bucket

Yellowface by R.F Kuang, The Secret Garden by Frances Burnett Hodgson, The Boy at the Back of the Class by Onjali Q. Raúf (Book and Theatre, The Lowry)

Wicked (dir. Jon Chu) Inside Out 2 (dir. Kelsey Mann), Challengers (dir. Luca Guadagnino), The Fall Guy (dir. David Leitch), Turning Red (dir. Domee Shi)

YA YA by Beyonce, labour by Paris Paloma, The Bolter by Taylor Swift, Not My Fault by Renee Rap ft. Megan Thee Stallion, Homesick by Noah Kahan ft. Sam Fender, Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter, A&W by Lana Del Rey, Jenny from the Block by Jennifer Lopez, Good Luck, Babe by Chappell Roan. Rock DJ by Robbie Williams, Paris, Texas by Lana Del Rey, Tears by Perrie, Can’t Catch Me Now by Olivia Rodrigo, We Can’t Be Friends by Ariana Grande

8.    Savings

I’ve managed to pay rent and bills, consume culture, see my friends, try new hobbies and have still managed to put money away towards a deposit for a house. This is not doable if you’re freelancing – or for me it wasn’t, anyways.

I can’t say how privileged I feel.

It’s a very slow process and in a very toxic way I feel very ‘behind’ in my journey to a deposit compared to other people I know – but I’m really proud that actually I’ve always prioritized my savings and that this is only adding to work I had done previously for my financial health.

9.    Going on a trip!

As a freelancer, I prioritized the aforementioned 30% for the tax man and then at the end of the financial year – I always had a bit of money that was never taken that I could put into savings. This was never used on trips or anything fun like that.

At the end of the financial year, after I had paid my bill – I put the money towards driving and to going on a holiday that I had always wanted to go on. New York!

We went to New York for five fab days in September over my birthday period and had a blast. I actually felt quite unsafe as a woman in New York but I still managed to enjoy the jam packed itinerary we managed to cram in.

New York felt like a familiar friend; the books and movies and TV shows had introduced me well.

10. Breaks

Another pro of freelancing is that, you get to choose when your breaks are. And how long. I’ve often did this at the time that I knew I needed to max out on rest and come back in optimum condition. I took two weeks off at Xmas, two weeks off in Summer etc. I worked flexibly with what days I worked in a week depending on jobs and how my health was doing.

You definitely can’t do this when you are employed!

However, paid time off felt like a gift from the Almighty when I learned about it. It felt ever so cheeky to be paid for time you were not at work.

I definitely felt a bit more rested when I was freelancing but the work was more sporadic and I could find myself on a random Wednesday sat in a towel in my bed eating Jaffa Cakes and binging Grey’s Anatomy.

But to be honest, with lieu time – sometimes I find myself doing that now!

11.  Green Space

I work in a beautiful space and I sometimes have to pinch myself that I get to spend the vast majority of my time there. As I’ve had annual leave and other time away from work, I’ve missed the green and brown, the trees, the paths. I’ve realized that actually having green space close to me is really important and grounds me.

We have a park around the corner from our house and on days where I don’t want to do anything, a walk around the reservoir can make it a lot better. I’ve done more walking especially with my friend Abby up Mam Tor and doing part of the GM Ringway trail.

Green space is my friend.

There’s been highs, lows and everything in between. I’m so fortunate that no one has died, been injured, seriously harmed and all of my loved ones are safe and healthy. Touch wood. I’m so fortunate for the lessons I have learned this year and who I am at the start of 2025 is very different from who I was at the start of 2024.

Long may that continue. I’m so lucky that there have been consistent pillars in my life such as my partner, my sister, friends and family that have anchored me whilst I’ve made such a big change. I’m so excited to see where my journey goes next.